As the Insecure Dependent, we feel inherently unworthy of acceptance. Interacting with the world out of a state of insecurity, we're driven to mold ourselves to be either in alignment with, or in rebellion against, the expectations of the people whose acceptance we most crave. In this process, we give up our true self and become highly sensitive to the opinions of others. Since a large part of our self worth is derived from approval, we're prone to emotional swings that are tied to how we're viewed by others.

As the Distant Phony, we feel inherently not good enough to be valued. Feeling deeply inadequate, we become obsessed with improving ourselves to prove our worth. Our sense of self becomes intertwined with our ability to gain control of ourselves, which we falsely believe is accomplished by dismissing (repressing) our emotions. By continuously distrusting our emotions, we are uncomfortable with any authentic emotional expression in ourselves or others. To cope with discomfort, we become cold and distant.